Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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