Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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