Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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