Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
