I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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