One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
