haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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