At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
