I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
