You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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