He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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