Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize