so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
