stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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