I wanna passion pit in your ass
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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