My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
