tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
