Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
