it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
