I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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