My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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