I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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