New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
