i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to align my fucking chakras
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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