My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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