we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
