Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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