The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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