Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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