i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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