Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
