I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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