I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
