dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
