It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
