I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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