There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
