today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
