I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
