I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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