there's paper in my vomit.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
