Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
