You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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