I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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