I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
