So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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