i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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