Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
