If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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