Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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