On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
