I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
