Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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