escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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