How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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