Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
