Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
