Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
