So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
