The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
