sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
