You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
