His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
