This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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