im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
