If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
