you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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