I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OPIZZABONMYDICK
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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