fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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