I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
