So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
