Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
