Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
