shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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