And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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