i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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